Jeff Don't Surf: Decathlon, Where Culture Is Bought Not Earned
Have you seen Decathlon's latest offering to the surfing world? It was so un-surf it made us think it was a parody. But this is real. And it's painful.
You can now be the proud owner of a surf skirt. Equipped with surf purse, what every modern surfer needs to keep your belongings in, while surfing your local.
These two products should not be anywhere near surfing, but have bolted the word surf onto them like throwing glitter over a distinct, pavement turd. Neither one looks like they'd actually survive an actual surf nor are they practical.
The rest of the range is like visual barf. Let alone the 5'8” fluro pink foamie they're advising you learn on. It's easy to see what's going on here; Decathlon don't surf. How could they?
This is where multi-nationals go wrong. You can't gather around a boardroom table and focus-group your way into surf culture. You either live it, or you don't, and it shows the second you try to sell it back to us.
The fact Decathlon doesn't surf is not an insult, it's just accurate. It's a French sporting goods hypermarket that discovered the word 'surf' tests well as a lifestyle keyword, so now there's a whole aisle of knock-off gear, engineered for a shelf, not your local beachie when it's 5@15.
A surf skirt has never once helped anyone surf. I don't think Steph Gilmore has ever woke up and thought, 'a surf purse was really missing from my world title campaign'. What they do help with, is moving cheap stock through a warehouse with a wave graphic slapped on the packaging.
What in the heck is THAT?
That's the whole Jeff Don't Surf problem in miniature. An executive quad-billionaire or whatever, signs off on this stuff. They do not give to the culture. They do not understand surfing and they certainly are not up at 5am squinting through one eye at the cams on a December frost-bitten dawn.
You don't get access to our culture through (probably) Chinese made naff product because someone once saw a surfer somewhere and thought 'let's do that, but make it massively crap'. Jeff doesn't have to plough through the winter on a coastline.
He also also doesn't have to deal with the consequences of someone showing up to their first proper surf, with a board that was never meant to hold up past the shallows. Jeff just needs the units to move before Q3 closes.
Compare that to your local surf shop. You know, the one that sponsors events, stocks equipment that actually works, sponsors surfers, wants to talk about the conditions, talk to you about what's right for you and your surf journey.
The surf shop who sees those winters, sees the swells and is a part of your surf community. None of that shows up in a Decathlon video, because none of that is what Decathlon is selling.
Why not support local shops?
They're selling the thought of surfing to people who don't yet know the difference and relying on the fact that most of them will never find out. Which, to be fair, they probably won't. But we know the difference, and we see through it.
And let's not forget, this is not an entirely victimless move. Every impractical, crappy-built surf product that gets sold off the back of a video like this, is a sale that didn't go to a shop that actually knows the coastline, actually understands the difference between a board that floats a beginner -- and someone who has invested time into the community.
Also, scratch under the surface a little and Decathlon, alongside other major retailers, was forced to alter or remove misleading sustainability claims like "Ecodesign" and paid substantial voluntary donations to sustainable causes to avoid regulatory sanctions.
We're not precious about beginners buying cheap. Get in the water however you can -- surfing is for everyone. That's never been the issue.
The issue is a multinational retailer borrowing the aesthetic of a community it has no roots in, no stake in and not much understanding of surfing in general. To line the pockets of anyone but the surf community. That is where we draw the line in the sand.
That's why we launched Jeff Don't Surf. We back the local surf shop who knows you by your first name. Skip the surf purse. Skip the fluro 5'8” pop out foamie. And skip the brand that thinks those two things belong anywhere near a lineup.
Jeff don't surf. But you do. Support your local shop.
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